In Their Shoes

When interacting with patients, it is hard not to project our own feelings on them and assume that they feel a certain way because of the disease or condition they have. Today, for instance, we had three patients during our clinical sessions--a boy and girl with Down syndrome, and a girl who had just come out of her battle with leukemia. The first thing that immediately popped into my head (and many of my classmates felt this way too) was how hard life must be, if I were in their shoes, to be dealing with all the consequences of their condtions--consequences that extend not only to the physical and emotional levels, but also play a significant role in their self image and social relationships.

Of course, we were surprised when their response was nothing like what we'd expected. The boy with Down syndrome said he's feeling great--he has plenty of friends (both with and without Down syndrome), and seemed to enjoy the prom they just had. It seems the difference we perceive between people with Down syndrome and people without was much more pronounced for us than for him, because we really don't have a clue what it must feel like in their shoes. Instinctively we assume that their condition would make their lives miserable just because it is much different from the life we're accustomed to, and it is hard for us to imagine that they can lead happy lives just like us.

When someone asked the girl who survived leukemia what it was like to undergo chemotherapy, her response was, "I learned to be really happy"--happy and grateful about the things that happened to her everyday.  It was her way of coping--looking at the big picture, focusing on what's important for her instead of getting bogged down by  little things and details in the process. Of course there was numbness and anxiety and all that when she first got diagnosed, but it was what she made out of her experience that made her story so moving. In her moments of uncertainty, of not knowing what will come next, not only did she not direct her frustrations inward ("oh, woe is me"), her response to this entire process was to create a charity to help other families going through the same thing.

People have very different ways of dealing with illness, and we have to really listen to their stories to even begin to "step into their shoes" and understand their experience. Being sick may be unsettling (to say the least), but it does not necessarily preclude happiness, as our patients today clearly showed us. We stress out so much about the little details of our lives--like our biochem test today--that sometimes we lose sight of our priorities. But our patients today have dealt with so much more than what we've had to deal with in the process of coping with their illnesses, and yet are still able to maintain their happiness and their outlook on life. This, more than anything, was what I think made their stories truly inspiring.